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Transformers 2: the anger of a fallen fan

July 3, 2009

I’m sure you have heard of all the bad reviews that the second Transformer movie is getting.  I absolutely loved the first movie so I just couldn’t believe all the bad press the sequel was getting.  The reviewers had to be missing something, right?

Wrong.

I took my beautiful wife of almost 16 years to see it last night.  I was giddy and excited and a little nervous.  What if this movie sucked as bad as the critics said? As the lights dimmed, I assured myself that I was in for 2+ hours of awesomeness.

Wrong.

Here goes my rant:  I could not wait for this movie to be over.  Shia LeBeouf did a good job, but otherwise, the characters were inane and weak and shallow.  Don’t tell me not to expect much as this is a Michael Bay movie.  I went in with super low expectations of a storyline and character development, and those expectations were sorrily disappointed!

The human characters aside, the robots  seemed like caricatures of themselves.  The magic of Transformers 1 was that the robots seemed real and you could establish a small connection with them.  Almost every Transformer besides Optimus Prime was in the movie only for comic relief.  Those twin robots?  What the crap man!!  They were more annoying than Jar Jar Binks!  Here is my biggest complaint:  This is a story about a huge robot war that has made its way to earth. Robots, robots, robots!  Why did Michael Bay have to sexualize them?  Devastator with testicles?  Boo!  The little remote control Transformer humping Megan Fox’s leg like a dog?  Again, boo!

Let’s just set morality aside for a moment.  These are freakin’ robots!  And unless they are Caprica Six from Battlestar Galactica, there should be nothing sexual about them!  These are not robots studying the human condition, a-la Data from Star Trek TNG.  Why anthropomorphize them that way?

Let’s put morality back in the mix.  This movie is PG-13 but it is marketed to kids.  C’mon folks, let’s be real.  I see the commercials on Nickelodeon and Disney and I see the toys prominently displayed at the local Wal-Mart or Target.  THIS IS NOT A MOVIE FOR KIDS!!!!

Maybe I’m too pure a sci-fi fan.  Maybe I am too picky.  All I wanted was to see giant space robots (check), big explosions (check), fast cars (check), a pretty girl (check), and a fun and entertaining story to glue it all together (epic FAIL).

I was not expecting an epic movie or a movie to make me think or a movie to move my emotions.  I just wanted a summer popcorn-eater blockbuster.  I did not get itl

7 Comments
  1. July 3, 2009 12:51 pm

    Sorry you didn’t like it. I enjoyed it, but I my expectations were pretty low to begin with.

    • July 3, 2009 12:54 pm

      maybe I was just too tired! I wanted to like it so bad, but just couldn’t get over the things I wrote about. Here’s hoping Transformers 3 is better!!

  2. Nic permalink
    July 3, 2009 1:33 pm

    wow…going to go ahead and disagree with you. Transformers is all about CGI effects, and action. The movie was 150 minutes long, i’d say 120 of it was action packed cgi amazingness. Were the twin robots annoying, yes. Was the profanity forced and unnatural, yes. As for the sexuality, sex sells man. Its going to be in every movie from now until the end of time. Also, Megan Fox has unashamedly turned into one of the biggest sex objects in Hollywood. How could you go to a movie with her in it and not expect it to be sex laiden? She isn’t getting parts based on her shakspearen work.

    As for your Data reference, clearly the robots are starting to take more cues from the human race for communication purposes as well as for achieving their goals. Thus, the robot that robo raped Sam Wittwicke was created ala Terminator status.

    Story line: The Fallen wants to destroy earth. Fallen needs the matrix to do this. Autobots protect earth by guarding Matrix, destroy Fallen. What else do you want?

    Backstory: Purpose of the Primes. Loved the backstory.

    i’m wondering what more you were looking for?

    Arguments for this movie being amazing: Optimus vs. three autobots in forrest, Bumblebee de-spining panther bot, Optimus vs. Fallen and Megatron.

    • July 3, 2009 5:10 pm

      I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree (even though I’m right and you’re wrong!) :)

      I’ll be the very first to admit that the CGI was as every bit as good as the first. If you time warped someone from the 50’s and they watched this movie, I think they’d totally believe these robots are real. Action is good, but crap man, 2 hours of Transformers beating the snot outta each other is about 1 hour too long.

      Of course sex sells. I’ll agree with you again. Girls are used like that in movies all the time. But robots are not sexual creatures. The Mega-Tongue robo girl at college was stupid. sorry.

      I was just looking for a fun movie. This one was tedious and hard to watch. The first one had the perfect blend of action and comedy and CGI coolness that I can watch it over and over.

      Maybe I’m just becoming a grumpy old curmudgeon….back when I was a kid (blah blah blah)

  3. July 4, 2009 6:43 am

    I thought the adult situations were a bit much. The pot brownies, and Devestator’s testicles, as well as the Twins, none of those needed to be in the movie. It was in poor taste imo. Aside from that, I liked it.

  4. July 4, 2009 7:00 am

    I haven’t seen it, and probably won’t from all the friend’s bad reviews of it. One thing that does tick me off, is the fact that a lot of movies today are marketed toward kids, but are far from it. My son (5) is prime for super hero movies, but no way would I take him to one. The closest he has gotten, is Fantastic 4. It is relatively tame compared to Spiderman, X-Men, Hulk, etc. It IS possible to make entertaining movies for adults AND kids that do not show everything in detail and leave you wanting for more.

    • July 4, 2009 8:19 am

      If I was a psych or marketing major, I’d wanna write a paper about this topic.

      Transformers were a toy, then a cartoon was created to sell more toys. Our parents bought us the toys and we loved the cartoon as kids. Now 25 years later, the movie studios are cashing in on our sentimentality and making our childhood toys and cartoons appeal to us as adults (at the same time marketing to our kids).

      It almost as if they are double or triple dipping. They got our parent’s money when we are kids, they are getting our money for the movie ticket, and they are trying to get our money if we buy the toys we used to love for our own kids. It’s a conspiracy I tell ya! :)

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